Scenes from a Marriage: Bad Innuendo

roach: So you’ve been salty all night and I’ve been saucy. We should get together and make some stir fry.
Stephan: … I knew it was coming. I could see it. It was like, “My Bad Innuendo Sense is tingling, roach must be talking.”
roach: So is that a yes or a no?

Scenes from a Marriage: Lumos

roach: You don’t have to say Lumos to turn me on.
Stephan: …
roach: 😀
Stephan: …
roach: Does that make you more or less likely to want to give me your number.
Stephan: Please stop using pickup lines from the internet on me.
roach: Is that a yes or a no?

Scenes from a Marriage: Necromancy

roach: When do we get to the boring part of our life? I’m sort of done with all this “interestingness”.
Stephan: In about twenty years.
roach: I don’t think I’ll last that long.
Stephan: You don’t have a choice.
roach: Ah, so that’s how you are going to get into necromancy.

Scenes from a Marriage: Three glasses of wine edition

roach: So you wanna go to the bedroom? I got a clogged drain you could snake.
Stephan: … Okay, 1) You really need to get better at your euphemisms and 2) spoken like someone who has never unclogged a drain.
roach: Well, duh, I don’t have the equipment for it.

Scenes from a Marriage: Home Improvement Edition

Stephan: Do we have any nuts and bolts?
roach: Yes, they’re in the yellow plastic container marked “Ox-eye Daisies”.
Stephan: … Why?
roach: In case anyone ever invades the workshop. They won’t know where anything is.
Stephan: Right, because invaders are going to steal our bolts.
roach: Better safe than sorry.

Scenes from a Marriage: Headshot

roach: You were a theater major. You know about headshots, right? You could take one of me.
Stephan: Usually they’re taken by a professional.
roach: I’m going to be wearing a crown made from pink unicorn erasers. I think the professional ship has sailed.

Scenes from a marriage: Anniversaries

Scenes from a marriage.
roach: Ben, did you know that four years ago today–
Stephan: Five years.
roach:–five years ago today your daddy and I got married?

(At least I remembered today is our anniversary.) (Thanks to my sister.) (I’m not good with dates is what I’m trying to say.)