My Power and Glory

“It took many years on a forever-steep learning curve to figure out how to be me apologetically and to accept every bizarre part of my past.  When I stopped worrying about having friends, or being fat, or following a predictable path, or trying to be a commercially sellable artist, I began to come into my own.  By standing strong in my uniqueness and walking with faith in a universal, positive energy and in myself, I found my power and glory.” — A Unicorn in a World of Donkeys, Mia Michaels, p. 5-6

Spoonflower Fabric Search: Unicorns

I’ve never hidden my love for unicorns.  Back in middle school a group of boys gave me all sorts of grief over it, telling me to never play leap frog with a unicorn; a joke that never got funny no matter how many times they’d yell it at me.  Despite this, I’ve not lost my love for Scotland’s national animal.  I’m even part of a unicorn gang with several friends.  We’re fun and fabulous and will cut you if you make fun of us.

So of course the very first thing I did when I happened upon Spoonflower lo these many years ago was to search for unicorn fabric.  Of course the site that gives us Golden Girl Toss fabric isn’t going to disappoint.  Here are nine of my current favorite unicorn designs.

Want your own magical unicorn skirt?  Contact me via Etsy.

Scenes from a Marriage: Headshot

roach: You were a theater major. You know about headshots, right? You could take one of me.
Stephan: Usually they’re taken by a professional.
roach: I’m going to be wearing a crown made from pink unicorn erasers. I think the professional ship has sailed.

The Unicorn’s True Wife

Upon reflection Madi should have known what to expect when the mob came for her. After all, one did not spurn the advances of the Mayor’s son without facing some sort of consequence. To be fair, she told herself, you did more than spurn Tobor. She recalled taking the boy’s knife from the sheath around his waist and threatening to geld him should he grab her again. She had supposed she would be made to apologize or serve on some mission of mercy to the poor. It had never occurred to her that she would be banished from the village.

Be glad that it’s only the Unicorn you’re getting, she told herself. In her great-grandmother’s time, dissident women were accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake. The thought was no great comfort as she knew most maidens sent to the Unicorn killed themselves after their wedding night. Others were found days later wandering without their wits. Those poor girls ended their days abused and killed by bandits. The thought of losing her mind scared Madi more than the thought of death. She had witnessed death plenty in her nineteen years: first her grandparents to the Red Fever, then her mother died giving birth to a stillborn boy, and finally her father the past spring—killed in a dispute over money.

Madi sighed and adjusted the pack on her back. She was allowed to take only what she could carry. Everything else, her family’s cottage, their grazing plot, even their old nag was to go to the village. From where she stood, at the outskirts, she could already hear the wagons rumbling up to the cottage. There was little satisfaction to be had with the knowledge that they had owned little of value.

“Better get on with you,” said the guard who had been sent to escort her out of the village. He would stay at his post until tomorrow to make sure she didn’t try to return.  To insure that she wouldn’t just run away to another village, she had been marked with the symbol of the Unicorn, a spiral in the middle of her forehead.  The skin itched where the symbol had been charmed on.  It would not come off with scrubbing or herbs.  If she were caught in another village she’d be stoned for shirking her duty.

“Once it was customary for the Unicorn’s bride to be escorted to the nuptial bed by a procession,” Madi said. “She was given a new set of clothing and women would cook a feast for the newlyweds.”

“That so? Well I think everyone is too busy to cook your feast. Move on now.”

Continue reading The Unicorn’s True Wife

Majestic F*cking Unicorn: A Cross Stitch Pattern

I love unicorns.  Love them.  Looooooove them.  And I love cursing almost as much as I love unicorns, so it’s no wonder that both show up in the pep talks I give friends:

Majestic Unicorn FB Status

In the comments a friend wanted to know what it would cost to turn that into a needle point.  And thus the following cross stitch design was born.

The cross stitches and french knots are done in two threads.  The back stitches are done in one thread.  The design pictured above was stitched on 14 pt white Aida cloth and the final measurement of the design is 9″ x 6″.

If you end up stitching this design let me know in the comments below.

Click here to download the PDF pattern.


More Embroidered Paper Art

I’ve been playing around with making paper and now have a good sized stack of sheets.  There’s something very satisfying in taking all the junk mail, school flyers, paid bills and telephone books and turning them into something else.  Plus, shredding paper is very soothing.

I really enjoyed the embroidered gift cards and holiday cards I made last year, so I’ve been playing around with other embroidery work.  Other than cross stitch, I’ve never gotten into embroidery on fabric.  I always viewed embroidery as too difficult for me to learn.  But switch the medium to paper and all of the sudden I’m spending hours on the internet researching different stitches to try.  Go figure.

Below is a gallery of the embroidered paper art I’ve done so far.  I’ve been playing around with various stitches, some beading and stickers.  I like the depth and texture of the images.  And I’ve even gotten to the point where I’m okay with the back of my work looking like a shattered bird’s nest.  When I’m not trying to make the back look as good as the front, it takes off a lot of the pressure and I can enjoy the process.

The hardest part is poking the holes.  I have to be careful not to tear the paper, not to poke myself, and not losing my needles.

I’ve got some other ideas for designs.  I want to play around with flowers and leaves in the paper.  I’ve got several specimens from the yard being pressed right now.  I’ll post more pictures as I make them.