Scenes from a Marriage: Bad Innuendo

roach: So you’ve been salty all night and I’ve been saucy. We should get together and make some stir fry.
Stephan: … I knew it was coming. I could see it. It was like, “My Bad Innuendo Sense is tingling, roach must be talking.”
roach: So is that a yes or a no?

Scenes from a Marriage: Lumos

roach: You don’t have to say Lumos to turn me on.
Stephan: …
roach: ūüėÄ
Stephan: …
roach: Does that make you more or less likely to want to give me your number.
Stephan: Please stop using pickup lines from the internet on me.
roach: Is that a yes or a no?

Scenes from a Marriage: Necromancy

roach: When do we get to the boring part of our life? I’m sort of done with all this “interestingness”.
Stephan: In about twenty years.
roach: I don’t think I’ll last that long.
Stephan: You don’t have a choice.
roach: Ah, so that’s how you are going to get into necromancy.

Scenes from a Marriage: Three glasses of wine edition

roach: So you wanna go to the bedroom? I got a clogged drain you could snake.
Stephan: … Okay, 1) You really need to get better at your euphemisms and 2) spoken like someone who has never unclogged a drain.
roach: Well, duh, I don’t have the equipment for it.

Scenes from a Marriage: Home Improvement Edition

Stephan: Do we have any nuts and bolts?
roach: Yes, they’re in the yellow plastic container marked “Ox-eye Daisies”.
Stephan: … Why?
roach: In case anyone ever invades the workshop. They won’t know where anything is.
Stephan: Right, because invaders are going to steal our bolts.
roach: Better safe than sorry.

Scenes from a Marriage: Headshot

roach: You were a theater major. You know about headshots, right? You could take one of me.
Stephan: Usually they’re taken by a professional.
roach: I’m going to be wearing a crown made from pink unicorn erasers. I think the professional ship has sailed.

VikingDad Pro-Tip #6 (Popcorn Trick)

OK, so if you have an infant/toddler who can eat popcorn but isn’t old enough to know not to eat the kernels, this is a bit more important, however, this trick is handy for those who don’t like to deal with the kernels at the bottom of the bowl when you make microwave popcorn.

Here’s the trick I learned. ¬†Pop the bag as normal, but when you pull it out, don’t tear it open right away… open the bag just a little bit. ¬†This may be a bit tricky since the bag is hot and may already be partially opened. See the picture below:

Open the bag just a bit, enough for the kernels to get out, but not the popped corn.
Open the bag just a bit, enough for the kernels to get out, but not the popped corn.

This bag was already partially opened, but like the instructions on the side of the bag say (who reads those anyway, right?), gently tug on opposing corners if it’s not open at all. ¬†You want to make sure it’s big enough to let out kernels but not too big to let all the popcorn fall out. ¬†You then shake it over a bowl like in the picture below:

Shake the bag over the bowl, occasionally tilting to get the ones that gather in the corners.
Shake the bag over the bowl, occasionally tilting to get the ones that gather in the corners.

IMPORTANT NOTE: ¬†Do NOT shake the bag of popcorn directly over your garbage can. ¬†While this may seem like a good idea to skip a seemingly pointless step, trust me, it’s not pointless. ¬†What happens if you DO shake the bag of steaming hot popcorn and those steaming hot kernels go into your garbage is that they end up melting a bunch of little holes in your garbage bag (thus severely weakening the structural integrity of the flimsy plastic garbage bag) that makes garbage day at your house a bit more interesting when you try to pull it out (and it inevitably falls apart in mid air). ¬†I speak from experience here.

So, shake the bag vigorously over the bowl tilting once in a while to either side to get the kernels that fall in those corners. ¬†Once the kernels stop flowing while you shake (and have tilted) then you should be nearly kernel free and are able to enjoy a bowl of hot popcorn without worry that you’ll break a tooth when you’re watching your favorite movie and not really paying attention to what you’re putting in your mouth.

Enjoy!

VikingDad Pro-Tip #56 (Fitness from Home)

Being a stay-at-home viking requires a lot of energy and requires you to stay healthy. ¬†Keeping in shape isn’t always easy, particularly in the middle of winter when no one really wants to leave the comfort of their own home. Fortunately, there are many ways around that to get you through the cold winter months.

There is this fitness site that has a ton of visual workouts for the geek in everyone (on top of other great fitness and wellness advice):  http://neilarey.com/

These are great, require no equipment you don’t already have around the house (like chairs and towels) and can be done pretty much anywhere you have enough room to lie down (aside from your bed).

The Shield-Maiden and I alternate times in the workshop since they take about half an hour each.  But doing these 5-7 times a week really helps.

I’ve also started to do 50 push-ups and a one minute plank before each meal.

Like I said, it’s not easy, but there are solutions out there to help you! ¬†Here are the workouts I’m currently doing (alternating between them so I usually do only one or two of these a week):

http://neilarey.com/workouts/sao-survivor-workout.html

http://neilarey.com/workouts/hulk-workout.html

http://neilarey.com/workouts/thor-workout.html

http://neilarey.com/workouts/captain-america-workout.html