The first months of 2018 have been the busiest that I can remember. January was taken up by finishing the Sew Witchy book manuscript for a February 1 deadline. And then February and March saw me:
- Sewing up a box of projects from the book to get out to my publisher for a cover photo shoot (deadline April 1)
- Editing the manuscript per editorial input (deadline April 2)
- Prepping to vend at C2E2 (deadline April 6)
- Taking photos for the book (deadline April 16)
At one point I was awake and working for 48 hours to meet the photo deadline. And in between my professional obligations I had to fit in being present for my family, dealing with the loss of my house, and defending myself in court (along with the custody issue, my ex is petitioning the court to punish me for losing the house, including asking for me to be incarcerated). Fun times.
Now, after meeting my last deadline, I have found myself suffering from temporal whiplash. As soon as I uploaded the photos we climbed into the Jeep and headed to a camper owned by friends for a weekend of campfires and whiskey. I spent a lot of time Saturday and Sunday just sleeping.
Come Monday morning, after I had gotten Charlotte off to school, I found myself at sort of a loss of what to do. I cleaned the kitchen and family room. I did the dishes and made dinner. I spent a lot of time thinking about all the stuff I had to do and realizing that I had plenty of time to do it in. The rest of the week has been the same. I have stuff to do. But there is no urgency.
It’s a strange position to be in. In fact it weirds me out not to have a deadline constantly pushing at me. I don’t have to rush my kids through bedtime so that I can get back to work. I’m not staying up until three in the morning sewing. Right now my To Do list is full of items like “make dinner” and “pack up one shelf of books”.
A friend posted a link to the article “This is the Reason So Many Unbound Women Fear They’re Lazy” on Facebook the other day. Reading through it, I found myself nodding in agreement. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to fill my every waking hour to justify my existence, especially once I stopped working outside of the house. Shifting to a focus more on what I and my family need done to serve our lives is a big, scary step. Many times throughout these first few days I have found myself sitting down with nothing that needs my immediate attention. My busy brain would kick into gear those times, trying to kickstart anxiety over the fact that I was just sitting there.
I am working to reconcile my busyness with this lack of deadlines. I am trying to actively enjoy, rather than making a show of tolerating, this less frantic pace. I still have a move thousands of miles away to arrange. I still have legal wrangling to deal with. I still have a book and family that needs my attention. That is more than enough right now.