Learning to Rest

When you turn to your tarot cards for answers and they tell you stuff you already knew.

The first three days of remote learning had gone relatively well. I was able to get up at 8:30 am (a feat since I am a night owl who takes morning personally). I was getting my son, Ben, online and keeping him on task. I had tackled my to do list with gusto, drawing a red line through each completed task.

That fourth morning, though, I couldn’t drag myself out of bed before 10:30 am. My husband is working from home due to the pandemic, so he was able to get Ben started on schoolwork, and I felt guilty about leaving him on the hook for that. Within ten minutes of finally getting out of bed I was on my way down a shame spiral that so often ends with me fucking around on my phone for the whole day and abandoning my plans. And once I get derailed it can take days, if not weeks to get back on track.

To put the brakes on that tailspin, I pulled out my Tarot deck. I had started pulling a card each morning as a means of meditation, but it has turned into a way to ease in the day. As I shuffle the deck I think about the upcoming day, focusing on my anxiety and reluctance. When I pull the card and look up the meaning I find it encouraging. So far I’ve managed to find a message in each card that has helped me to get over the inertia I’ve had at starting the day.